For the past week, I’ve been thinking about my next blog and what I could sit down and write to you guys that would cause you to have this huge epiphany. I’m so hung up on really making a difference and making a mark in this world. But nothing creative was coming to mind (as creative as my blogs get anyway).
I got an angry email from a friend (a former friend now after the exchange of nasty emails) who told me I “need to get over myself.” I didn’t know what that meant because I am an expert in my field, studied this in college, compete in the toughest sport professionally, and practice what I preach daily. Although I’ve been involved with health and fitness for over a decade, I’ve had my bouts with being fat and out of shape. I know how hard it is to lose weight. But the difference is I didn’t make excuses AT ALL. I admitted I was fat and was like, “Ok. What have I gotta do here to get fit?” And I did it.
But this week, something happened to me.
All week I experienced uncontrollable, unexplainable, unreasonable cravings for large amounts of food. I have cravings like you guys do, but this was different. I couldn’t stop eating. I just wanted more and more and more food. Anything I could get my hands on, I would eat. The urge was greater than I’ve ever felt. Every night this would happen. It was like I was having an out of body experience. I could see myself reaching for the fridge and I knew I wasn’t hungry. But I did it anyway. At one point I collapsed on the kitchen floor with my head in my hands and yelled out loud, “What is happening to me? Why am I doing this!?”
My nutritionist, Anna (see past blogs for more about Anna) told me that when I have a craving, try to identify why it’s happening. What is off balance in my life? Something was “lacking” for things to go awry like they did. Well, shoot, I mean, that could mean a lot of things, but the point is I really sat down and re-evaluated things and I’m back on track now. I’m lucky I was able to get ahold of this behavior before I gained weight or threw myself out my 4th story apartment window from depression.
My point is that although I haven’t pushed a human fetus out my vagina, I have and do experience the all of same things you guys do. That’s why I’ve opened myself up to you so that you’ll see that I can relate. I go through the same struggles and I miss the mark on many occasions. I get comments from people all the time who look at me and say, “Look at how good you look. You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be me.” But I make it a daily point to put my health and wellness at the top of the list. I work hard at it. It won’t be the last time I have a breakdown like that, I’m sure, but I’ve learned how to identify and handle them when they do. So can you. Equip yourself.
